10 main theses on this topic. I write not so much as a psychologist, but as the mother of the only first-grader at school who does not have a mobile phone, and the mother of a teenager who does not have a single gadget other than a mobile phone – so that from my own experience.
1) Dependence on gadgets – this is a real hindrance to living relationships in families. And it concerns children and parents. Begin, as always, you need from yourself. Here as with smoking: the sense from the menacingly prohibiting smoking of the smoker-parent is not enough.
2) Dependence on gadgets – this is real, but not the only obstacle to living relationships. A big hindrance, than gadgets, is a comparison of the child with someone, constant criticism, humiliation, accusation, our own fears, anxieties and resentments that we hang on the child (“They do not marry”, “You should have been an excellent student, otherwise you’ll be Work as a janitor, “” And I’m at your age, “etc., etc.). If the alternative to virtual communication is to offer the child “live” authoritarianism, instruction and endless demands, what it should be – nothing good will come of it: it will necessarily slip into its computer hole. And if the child is well with you, then he does not want to slip away anywhere (before adolescence).
3) Most parents give their children double messages: on the one hand they buy gadgets, on the other – they fight with them. Decide. Do you worry that your child is sitting in the computer for hours on end? Who bought this computer? Who bought the new smartphone? What for?
4) Curiosity is the basic quality, it is important not to kill it. Children are initially lively, inquisitive, eager to communicate with the creature (remember how the kids they demanded your attention), how did it happen that suddenly he preferred to sit in a gadget? Who taught him this? If the child is bored, then there is no task always to entertain him (the same gadget) – do not kill creativity, he will get bored, get bored, and find what to entertain. The main thing is that in most cases you should be sympathetic and spend time with him. In fact, it is important for a person to learn to occupy himself. By the way, and how do you occupy yourself?
5) There are no development functions for computers / smartphones for children. No advantages of gadgets for children do not cover the “exhaust” from them. Motor skills, attention, thinking, speech – all this perfectly develops without “wonder-developing” computer games. Moreover, gadgets reduce cognitive abilities (not the myth, but the results of research), and the development of emotional intelligence (which is most often overlooked at all) and physical activity is completely counter-indicative of virtuality. Let’s not build illusions. And the time spent by the child at the computer, you need to limit. How? You somehow do not let him eat kilograms of chocolates, drink liters of cola. Agree on the acceptable time in advance and keep the boundaries. According to experience, if the requirements and their decisions are not changed, the children calmly accept them. For example, my children were always allowed one cartoon a day (at least in the movies, at least at home, even away). They do not even question: “One so alone. So it is necessary, as a teeth to clean “.
6) Most often, for the child to slip the tablet is not the desire to develop it, but a) the parent’s desire to take something / distract (so as to fall behind and not interfere); B) the desire to compensate for one’s self-doubt in a fashionable toy that is accessible even to a child (oh, we are rich); C) automatism “everyone buys and I buy” (first bought, then realized).
7) The idea that if a child does not learn to use computers in 5 (7, 10, 12) years, then in the modern world he will disappear (read: grow up by morOn), is absurd. Learning for simple actions on the computer (even for the parent’s retirement age) is equal to several hours, more complex is several days. The ability to build relationships, negotiate, love requires much more time – it is better to take care of this in advance.
8) If you want the child to leave the computer – think in advance about alternative and worthy options. Communication with yourself, for example (you’re funny?), Of course, while you need to be “competitive”, be more interesting than the computer. Are you more interesting than a computer? It is necessary to be interested in the child (and not why he got two, why he did not clean the room, why he never listens to you), strive to understand what he feels, what he lives, to be with him, play, fool around, fantasize, and not teach, demand , Satisfy their own needs, not his. Talk about what is interesting to him, what worries him.
9) If you want the child to leave the computer – be prepared to give him time. And if “everything has already happened and started”, then you will need another small mountain of patience, your own vitality, optimism and love for him. You remember – most of all children need our love when they least deserve it.
10) Children do not learn from someone they do not like (someone who is hurt by hurt / anger / pain). If you want the child to hear you, then first take care of the love for him as a constant (that is invariable.) You can be upset by his behavior, but the love does not go away, and the child must know about it). Unconditional manifestation (and not abstract) of love and benevolence in words of encouragement, a warm look, a smile, contrary to anything, even gadgets.
Translated by Alina Jumanova